Saturday, February 7, 2009

"Ok, I'm finished"

Living in my house, one thing i've learned to expect is noise. Every school day morning, i am the first one to wake up. I get up at around 7, which isnt bad, I get ready and on Tuesdays and Thursdays i leave at about 7:50. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays i take my brother and sister to school meaning i have to leave around 7:20-7:30 meaning i have to wake up even earlier at 6:30 and wake my siblings up. Now you can ask my mom, i never complain about waking up during the week. Im fine with it every day but on the weekends i like to sleep in as late as i can. Rarely does this actually happen... those wonderful siblings that i chauffeur to school three days a week simply dont understand the term "Inside Voices." I will be sleeping in my wonderful, comfortable, fantstic bed on a saturday morning-the one day a week that i have a possibility of sleeping in- it will be 8 or 8:30 and i will hear the unmistakable shriek of my sister (if it can be called a shriek), sounding like she is standing right next to me. She is actually in the living room downstairs.

If you have ever met my sister, you probably know the noise i am referring to. If not, consider yourself lucky. It is not a scream, no. It is not a shout (I wish). It is not a mere yell of an 8 year old girl (that would be normal), no. It is the sound of an unnatural being beaing magnified through the lungs of a small girl named Riley. Imagine the shriek of a banshee and multiply it by ten. Imagine that banshee being tortured and for some sick reason it is shrieking and laughing at the same time. That is the noise my sister makes on saturday morning.

Along with this noise that could wake the dead, you have the rolling of the ottoman on the wood floor as Quinn and Riley jump off and onto it. You have the THUDS of my brother jumping off furniture onto the hardwood floor (he is huge for his age, he's ten and he is the size of an 8th grader, he comes up to my eyes and he can carry me), His laughing which shakes the house because his voice is so deep, the unnatural volume of the TV which has been turned all the way up, and did i mention my sister's death-noise?

So, instead of waking up at the preferred time of 11 or so, i will be forced to awaken at 8 or 8:30 because no normal human being can sleep after hearing that piercing noise that can be called my sister's scream (which is of course continuing because once she starts, she never seems to stop). After laying there feeling pissed off, wallowing in self pity, playing a few miniaure violins, and sobbing to the rhythm of my least favorite wake-up call, i will drag myself out of bed and into the hallway where i notice that my parents door is still closed...meaning they are still sleeping.

Like i said, no NORMAL human can sleep through that sound. This proves my theory that i was born into a family of weird people. But then i think about it and the fact that they are sleeping makes sense because if you have ever tried watching TV at my house, that is also impossible.

I dont watch too too much TV. i have 3 shows i follow: House, The Office, and Lost. which are all on different nights and after i watch those shows, im done with the TV. (it is true that if there is a snow day...or crazy ice storm... or a freak wind storm for that matter...i have been known to sit around like a vegetable watching back to back to back to back Desperate Housewives but i have watched them all by now so thats no longer relevant and im talking about a regular week.) I will have finished my homework and i come downstairs to watch a show. On the way there, i will pass my brother in his room playing war-games or reading about world war 2 or assembling a homemade bomb. I will pass my sister in her room dancing to the hairspray soundtrack or singing songs from wicked or being dramatic about something else. I will pass my mom on the computer in the hallway where she is going through every single email in her inbox (even the spam) or typing an email, or on-dare i say it-facebook...yes, facebook... dear lord...

Passing mom, i will say something like "hey mom" or ask her a question about something. She never responds when she is on the computer-never. Honestly, i dont know why i bother. So i walk downstairs and sit down on the couch and start my show. Within 5 minutes, my mom is out of computer mode and in the kitchen (still not having said anything regarding my 'hey' or my question) i hear her do the laundry and then, here it comes, the sink turns on. So now, having the TV at a reasonable volume, it is hard to hear, so i turn it up. Another few minutes goes by and the sink is turned off, and the volume is turned down. Then BAM the dust buster comes on! There's no hearing over that so i pause the show and wait a few minutes for it to go off. Once it's off, i press play. 30 seconds later i will hear a question being thrown in my direction, so i pause the tv again.

You have to understand, this is not just any question. This is without fail, one of THOSE questions. By this i mean a question that my mother expects to be answered but it is in no way relevant or am i able to answer it.
"Whose milk is this?"
"I dont know."
(i dont know why she would expect me to know...i AM 16 and i 1. dont like plain milk-which is a fact she knows-and 2.dont leave a half-drank kiddie cups of milk on the counter)
"Who left the honey out?"
"I'm guessing quinn"
(since he is the only one in the house who actually uses the honey- eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich practically every day)
"Where is my bread pan?"
"i dont know mom, where'd you put it?"
(since she is the only one who uses them. i dont know why this question is directed at me)
this time i dont play right away, i wait a few minutes, anticipating another question. When none come flying my way, i go on with the TV.
"where is the girlscout meeting on tuesday next week?"
"i have no idea mom, any more questions?"
"no im done"
i look over to see my mom getting ice out of the ice maker which is broken and only produces crushed ice.
my mom starts laughing and for some reason her facial expression looks like a 3 year old's that just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
she then walks upstairs and i can watch my show in peace...until the siblings come downstairs...but i wont get into that right now.

Just last night, i had Zach over to watch the happening. We went to mcdonalds to use the redbox thing and to kroger to get oranges and crushed pineapple for my mom. Overall, it was a champion endeavor.

We return home and my mom is cuddled up on the couch in a blanket, eating split-pea soup (?), and we hear ABBA music eminating from the TV. I look over and it is not the MOVIE Mama Mia, but the SING-A-LONG. I wasn't sure how to respond to this, as i walked over to the DVD player to switch the movies and my mom shouts "NO WAIT!" because she wants to (may i emphasize just SIT there) and watch the rest of the SING-A-LONG. So once the sing-a-long ended, she let us have the TV room and she went into the kitchen. We started the movie but no more than 5 minutes into it, we hear BANG BANG BANG BANG.
i look over and she is banging nuts on the counter to crush them for making bread.
"im almost done, sorry!"
BANG BANG BANG BANG for about 3 more minutes, then it stops
about 3 more minutes after that pass
"sorry, almost done!"
"Ok, I'm Finished!"
"mom i thought you were finished!"
"i am!"
"okay, im finished!"
"ok mom were waiting till youre really finished!"
"i am finished!"
"no, until you are REALLY finished"
so zach and i walk into the kitchen and he shows me christian bale's massive freak out on youtube.

I'm sure it was quite a sight, Zach and me sitting at the kitchen table on the laptop, my mom sporadically whirring, and obscenities bellowing out of the laptop while all three of us are just laughing at it.

but my mom finally did stop whirring and we finally did get to actually watch the movie.

The movie sucked, but that is beside the point.

No comments: